Teelia Teelia was my very first bird. I remember how nervous I was that I wouldn't do things right with her. I loved this little girl to pieces. She loved to be cuddled and hugged and kissed.
One day, I came home from work and my daughter was crying... my son had opened the window and she flew out. I searched and searched and searched for weeks for her. I got up before sunrise in the morning before work and went back out before sundown at night after work, walking and calling and walking and calling. I know I lost about 20lbs with the walking and inability to eat and sleep. I was so devestated and felt so awful and blamed myself. She relied on me and I let her down.
I put posters up, made up business cards and stuck them under people's windshield wipers. I called radio stations and put ads in the newspapers and even offered a reward. I had calls but they all failed to send me in the right direction.
It was the worst day of my life when I knew I had to stop looking for her. I was exhausted and almost ready to drop. That has been 5 years ago now.
The most awful feeling is not really having closure. Not knowing where she is, is she alive?? Did someone take her in?? Do they love her?? Are they treating her well?? If she died, I hope she didn't suffer?? DId she feel abandoned?? She was scared and hungry and lonely. I tormented myself for years with those questions. I still do some days, even after this long but I now know there isn't anything I can do about it.
She was a sweet girl with a short time with me. I miss her very much and hope that no matter where she is, she is healthy, safe and happy. I love you sweet girl... fly free. |